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Oil-Soaked Indigenous Man Says Living Off The Land “Probably Not A Good Idea”

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BRITISH COLUMBIA – “It’s everywhere,” said Thomas Redbear of Little Foot First Nation. “The other day I was goose hunting and I slipped into a pit of black tar and grease. My cousins felt obliged to search for me after three days.”

Redbear and his clan have been foraging and hunting these land for decades, and have only recently begun to see the damage inflicted upon by the oil and mining companies. The community has also reported the extraordinary effects the industry has had on the local animal population.

“These days, our diet consists of diabetic weasels and cancerous caribou. You would be hard-pressed to not find a three-eyed fish for supper,” said Redbear. “Upon being stuck in that tarpit for three days, I had a vision. That vision had me and my family moving closer to a Walmart. Living out here is probably not a good idea.”


 

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