MANITOBA — “I just wanted to know how Indigenous I really am,” said Valerie Two-Sheds from Pickled Pine First Nation. “The reluctance to submit my saliva to a private corporation was overwhelming, but in the end, I needed to know. Curiosity forsook all reason, and thus, I endeavoured to find out more about myself.”
Companies that offer details on people’s ancestry have recently been under fire for their lack of accuracy and depth. But this discovery from Ancestry.com has upended the turmoil for the company.
“See,” said Margo Georgiadis, CEO of Ancestry.com. “Our mission statement is to find out things you never knew about yourself. And for Mrs. Two-Sheds, we have over-delivered on that promise.”
Official test results have revealed Mrs. Two-Sheds to be 70% Ojibway, 20% Chihuahua, and 10% Pregnant. Further tests have verified the shocking discovery that Mrs. Two-Sheds is indeed, pregnant.
Sources have confirmed that since her family will be growing in the coming months, they will be changing their last name to Three-Sheds.