OTTAWA — “I know a lot of indians,” said a defiant Senator Lynn Beyak. “Most of them are good people. In fact, I keep a journal of all the indians I meet in my travels. It has a description of them, when and where I met them, and a made up name I gave them for my references only.”
Sen. Beyak has come under fire for endorsing the hard-work of “well-intentioned men and women” at residential schools. To most reasonable people, residential schools are a painful chapter in Canada’s history textbook, but to Sen. Beyak it’s a delusional fairy tale filled with white overlords redeeming the sinful ways of a lost generation of children. In reality, it was a generation stolen and given to a cult of horny priests who thought Indigenous children were delicious.
“And just like the good things that happened at residential schools, we need to focus on the good indians,” said Sen. Beyak. “Here’s one from my journal. His name is Tommy One-Shoe. I saw him outside a liquor store on Queen street at 9:30am. If it wasn’t for residential schools he wouldn’t even have a shoe. Case closed.”