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Breaking: New Study Confirms That A Tweet And A Themed Profile Picture Does Literally Next To Nothing In A Time Of Need

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CALGARY — A team of researchers have released a report undermining the effects of typing into your little devices for the sake of a social cause. “The amount of bullshit hashtags and the number of Facebook themed profile pictures we had to sort through was mind-breaking,” said Fletcher Thomas, lead researcher at the University of Alberta. “It really gave us no hope when we see that people actually buy into this shit. At one point, an intern had to call into a suicide hotline because she was so hopeless at the amount of social vomit people are willing to share.”

Social media companies are quick to cash in on the bandwagon when it comes to tragedies in the first world. Thomas says that “it gives the users a false sense of actually giving a shit, when in reality, it’s just money in the bank for Facebook and Twitter. If you look across the world right now, there is a famine in Somalia right now. Where is their hashtag?”

Sources confirmed that in order to help the famine in Somalia, we can just send out thoughts and prayers, because the one thing that really helps people who are starving is a “thoughts and prayers” sandwich.

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