EDMONTON — Recognizing that his studies would not be complete until he is used as a recruitment tool, Thomas Redbear expressed excitement over the inevitable fame that is bestowed upon every Indigenous student on campus.
“It really shows that the university has done its homework,” said Redbear as he laughed to himself. “For them to look like they actually give a shit, they need people like us to grace the covers of their campus literature. ”
In a vain attempt to highlight how diverse the student body is, sources confirmed that Redbear will be portrayed next to a guy wearing a turban, an old senior in a wheelchair, and a woman from the LGBTQ community.
“These days, people prefer to see us in a nicely cropped photo,” said Redbear. “It is the university’s way of saying ‘See! We enroll a lot of indians’.”