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Humanity Issues Final Warning To Climate Scientists

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Still feeling outraged by the recent threats from climate scientists, a group of angry citizens issued a 936-page report condemning the actions of these “party-pooping” individuals.

“Stop scaring the shit out of us,” said Wilma Gladwell. “Cleary, we are desensitized by all the bad news coming at us 24/7, so their fear tactics will not work on us. We will listen to the jackass telling us the temperature of the day, but fuck that guy who tells us the temperature 15 years from now. We don’t have time for that. We want party anthems, we want escapism, and we want it all NOW!”

The report issued by the angry citizens outlines their plans to silence those who wish to “rain on their parade” by making sure there will not be rain at all one day. It also ensured that in the future, clothing will indeed be optional. The citizens who drafted the report look forward to ushering in a nudist utopia for generations to come.

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