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Inuit Leaders Call Out Feds: “If We’re Paying $27 For A Carton Of Orange Juice, It Better Come With The Mexican Who Squeezed It!”

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NUNAVUT — Unmoved by the promises of the Liberal government, Inuit leaders called for a change to the Nutrition North program.

“For years, they said prices would go down as a result of cost-sharing,” said Natan Obed, president of Inuit Tapiriit Kanatami. “But lies have prevailed. So today we are demanding that Pepsi, who owns Tropicana Orange Juice, should include at least one Mexican labourer along with each purchase. Hell, we are willing to pay $47 a carton for a whole family in order to free them from the sweat and tears of forced labour.”

This proposal comes at a time when the federal government has neglected to offer any amicable solutions to the food insecurity in northern Canada.

“We are willing to accept this offer,” said Minister of Crown-Indigenous Relations Carolyn Bennett. “We really don’t know what the fuck to do anymore. So yes, we look forward to enjoying a full fiesta with the northern Mexicans in the Arctic circle.”

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