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Ecstatic Police Officer Wins Pool On How Many Racist Headlines They Made In 2018

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THUNDER BAY — Celebrating his $500 gift card to Applebee’s, Constable Joseph Smith remarked on his accurate guess on how much negative press the Thunder Bay Police Force would make in 2018.

“It brings me to tears with how dedicated we were to this,” said Constable Smith. “I was getting worried when we stalled around the summer time, but we really picked it up in November and December. Achieving just over 250 headlines outlining our unhinged racism and impeccable prejudice wasn’t easy, and I share this win with all my brothers and sisters in uniform.”

The RCMP Commissioner Brenda Lucki congratulated Constable Smith on his historic win. “He really deserves it,” said Lucki. “But just over 250 headlines? Pffft, amateur numbers. Come back to me when you are closer to 1000.”

Sources confirmed that the stakes are indeed higher next year, with the Thunder Bay Police Force aiming closer to 500 negative headlines.

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