After enduring a drop in viewership and lack of diversity in their programming, ABC executives announced a pivot in the direction of their struggling TV series, Shark Tank.
“People want to see the old ways of America honored,” said ABC President, Channing Dungey. “And we are doing that by incorporating Indigenous culture into the new show, which launches this fall. After our judges lay down their verdict on whether the business idea is reconciliation friendly, then we will decide if the contestant will be chased over a cliff or not. Kevin O’Leary has already endured several spirit quests and has been drinking ceremonial bison blood for the past six months in preparation.”
Sources confirmed that the new show will run until all the buffalo have been hunted to near extinction.