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Indigenous Voters Just Choosing Whichever Political Party Fucks With The Most Lubricant At This Point

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Expressing a mixture of hope and confusion, Indigenous people in Canada outlined their voting plans for the upcoming 2019 federal election.

“The Liberals took us out to dinner, told us we were the only one, and then fucked us gently at the end of the night,” said Annie Beaverpouch, Indigenous mother of three. “They used a tiny bit of lube and Justin even cried at the end of it all, which was kinda weird. Harper and the Conservatives, on the other hand, went in raw and didn’t even use any lubricant. Putting a ball-gag on us was weird too, but we got used to it.”

In the months leading up to the election, all political parties will be unveiling their plans to properly fuck over the Indigenous populace.

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