OTTAWA — Outlining that no one knows better than Canada on extinguishing human rights, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau addressed the media to outline his plan to stand up against the oppressive Saudi […]
Justin Trudeau Stands Up To Saudi Arabia By Showing Them How To Properly Suppress Human Rights In The Name Of Resource Extraction
Live Action Remake Of Pocahontas A Chance For Disney To Accurately Portray Harmful Stereotypes In High Definition
After toasting other Disney executives atop their ivory castle, Chief Executive Officer Robert Iger announced plans for a reboot of the movie literally nobody asked for in the first place. “We have […]
News Reporter Interviews Deer In Vain Attempt “To Connect With The Local Indians”
After discussing the intricacies of bark biting and insurance fraud, CBC news reporter Tanner Smith looked over to Indigenous onlookers to see if they noticed how “at one” he was with nature. […]
Ecstatic Police Officer Wins Pool On How Many Racist Headlines They Made In 2018
THUNDER BAY — Celebrating his $500 gift card to Applebee’s, Constable Joseph Smith remarked on his accurate guess on how much negative press the Thunder Bay Police Force would make in 2018. […]
Thunder Bay Police Service Steps Down From Hosting The Oscars Following Allegations Of Racist Behavior
THUNDER BAY — Embattled police chief, Sylvie Haulth tendered the force’s resignation as host of the 2019 Oscar Awards after a damning report revealed system racism within the police force. “We did […]
Teen With Raging Insecurities About His Race Looks Forward To Joining The RCMP One Day
Preparing himself to take on the mantle of a public servant, Wyatt Hudson revealed his true intentions by wanting to become an RCMP officer. “I was really inspired after reading the headlines […]
Hollywood Approves Indigenous Remake Of “Fast & Furious” Franchise, Will Be Called “Swift & Ever Sick”
LOS ANGELES — In a racial victory for Indigenous people everywhere, Universal Pictures approved a landmark deal that will see the highly lucrative “Fast & Furious” franchise remade with an all Indigenous […]
Report: New Year’s Resolutions Renamed To New Year’s Treaties For Obvious Reasons
Preparing for the onslaught of broken promises and false hopes, Indigenous people in Canada proposed a name change to the popular practice of lying to yourself every year. “Self-betterment be damned. We […]
New Trespassing Laws In SK Shows There Are No Greater Experts On Entering Land Uninvited Than White People
SASKATOON — New research by a team of social scientists at the University of Saskatchewan revealed that reasonable and pragmatic policy can only be enforced by those who have committed the crime […]
Indigenous Men Feeling Thrilled They Will Never Be Found In A Viagra Commercial
Throwing their long braids to the side as they walked taller down the street, Indigenous men in North America took pride in the fact that they will never appear sullen and sad […]