"All Lives Matter" Yells Man On His Third Marriage

While getting on his soapbox at an All Lives Matter rally, local man Gary Beckert expressed his unshakable belief that everyone should matter.

"I left my son and daughter with that whoring ex of mine," said Gary Beckert. "I wouldn't miss this rally for the world. But if it was to land on a Tuesday then I would have to decline, with it being tooney Tuesday at KFC and all."

Sources confirmed that Gary is now actively on Tinder looking for another babysitter for the next time he wants to ironically fight for human rights.