Canada's Grandma Assures Public She Is Still Absolutely Useless In Times Like These

After addressing the entire world in a heartfelt and warming message of hope, Queen Elizabeth II assured everyone that the Royal Family will do everything in their power to standby and watch the world burn.

"It's me, the face on the $20 bill," said Queen Elizabeth. "And I am here to relay a message of hope. I have lived through many wars, many plagues, and just recently watched a family member leave. And I can assure you that throughout each of these problems, I didn't a thing to stop them. It is abundantly clear that tradition will continue."

Sources confirmed that after her address, Liz went back to tickling the Royal Guards in front of Buckingham Palace, trying to make them break character.